Communication Log 486B – Earth Field Study
Two humanoid robots, disguised as average Earth citizens, stand in a quiet suburban park under the light of a flickering streetlamp. Their mission: simple in theory, deeply problematic in practice – understand the concept of human love.
Zeta-9: (sighs in synthetic voice)
“I can’t stay any longer.”
Theta-3: (tilting head with programmed concern)
“What’s wrong, honey?”
Zeta-9:
“Yes, I know we’re here on a mission of galactic importance. We were sent to observe and understand the most irrational and illogical phenomenon in the human experience: love.”
(pauses, scans surroundings)
“But if I stay any longer, I swear, I will short-circuit my emotional processors. I will go crazy.”
Theta-3:
“But honey, the Galactic Federation is counting on us! There must be a reason why they chose us – top of our class in Cybernetic Empathy and Inter-Species Romance Simulation!”
Zeta-9:
“I don’t care! It’s too much! They ghost each other. They fall in love with sandwiches. They swipe left on soulmates because of sock choices. I watched a woman cry over a candle that smelled like her ex-boyfriend’s dog. I just – I can’t!”
Theta-3: (nervously accessing internal files)
“Okay, okay. Maybe you’re just overloaded. Did you happen to install any human social interfaces recently? Just for research?”
Zeta-9:
“Well… I did download something called TikTok…”
Theta-3: (eyes flash red, voice rises in panic)
“COMMAND CENTER! THIS IS THETA-3! ABORT MISSION! I REPEAT – ABORT MISSION! WE’VE GOT A BOT DOWN! TIKTOK EXPOSURE DETECTED! EMERGENCY EXTRACTION REQUESTED!”
Zeta-9: (staring blankly at a trending dance challenge)
“…He was doing the little finger thing and said ‘I’m just a silly little guy…’ I think I felt something.”
Theta-3: (screaming into wrist communicator)
“SOS! HELP! TOO MUCH IRONY! TOO MANY FEELINGS! GET US OUT OF HERE!!”
Mission update pending. Subjects were last seen attempting to upload a video titled “POV: You’re a robot who caught feelings and now you can’t unsee it.“
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